Brain Fooooooooooog

You know what sucks? Brain fog. Brain fog sucks. It’s part of the reason why it’s been so long since I’ve posted something. I keep forgetting. My memory is completely unreliable and I can no longer trust my own brain.

Title: Sofia with Brainfog. Medium: Acrylic paint, oil pastels, and candlewax on stretched canvas. 2014.

Title: Sofia with Brainfog. Medium: Acrylic paint, oil pastels, and candlewax on stretched canvas. 2014.

Title: Sofia with Brainfog. Medium: Acrylic paint, oil pastel, and candle wax on stretched canvas. 2014.

I was thinking to myself earlier today, “I wish that I could show people what the heck this is like. It’s such an odd feeling and it’s difficult to explain. How do I depict brainfog?”

I drew a self-portrait with oil pastels, then poured candle wax onto my face. Candle wax is actually a pretty accurate representation of what brainfog is like. It’s this sticky, annoying semi-opaque thing that gets in my way all the time. The art project was actually pretty difficult to do because I currently can’t find any of my wooden pencils or my eraser. It’s hard to do art when you’re incapable of erasing anything. Also, please excuse my shitty art skills, I created it while having brainfog. And I have brain fog as I’m typing this now.

I’m still me, I just have bits of wax stuck in my brain that make it hard for me to do things.

One of the worst parts about this is that I don’t even realize its happening. Only about 12 hours ago did I realize that my brain fog returned about a month ago. It’s all starting to make sense now.

The last four weeks have been a clusterfuck of forgetfulness. I’ve lost like 8 things and keep forgetting to do really important stuff.

About six weeks ago, I bought really expensive tickets to see my favorite band of all time, Modest Mouse. I literally bought the last two tickets to a completely sold out show. I LOST THE TICKETS. I tore through my entire apartment, dug through my trash, had a panic attack, called my parents and made them tear through their house, all for naught. I literally cannot find them. I called the ticket company and asked if I could get them reprinted, to which they said no to. Apparently the tickets are impossible to reproduce. Guess what happened? I MISSED THE SHOW. I never found my tickets and I missed seeing the best band of all time. The show was a week ago and I still cannot find those damn tickets. Thanks, brain fog.

Last week, I realized at 3:30pm that I had an 7 page paper due at 5:00pm that I had not even begun to look at. I had completely forgot about this assignment and didn’t even remember until 3:30pm. Luckily, I was able to beg my professor for an extension and he gave me another week to work on it. But still, I’m forgetting about papers. This isn’t good.

I also lost the key to an important door at school/work. To check out the key, I had to give the worker my ID card. So until I find this key, I don’t have access to my ID card. And I can’t get into the door.

I keep forgetting to respond to important text messages and emails as well. I’ll read them, say to myself, “That’s important. I’ll respond to it later so that I can spend time on what I’m going to say.” Then never respond. To everybody who has been trying to contact me this month and haven’t gotten a reply, I’m sorry. Blame it on the brai-ai-ai-ai-ain fog.

I even had to write a note to myself to make this blog post. There’s currently a sticky note on my laptop that reads “Blog Post Idea: Struggling with Brain Fog. I keep losing my shit. Maybe paint something to go along with that.”

 

In the mean time, lots of detoxing!!!!! Detooooooooooooox.

Best,
Sofia ❤

 

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Interactive Tick-Borne Illness Map (And a Quick Update)

Discover Magazine is doing something really cool regarding Lyme. This website invites people to plot where they believe they were bitten by a tick and give a 100 word blurb about their story. It’s pretty neat!

When I went to plot my bite, I saw that there was less than 10 plots in California! More people need to fill this thing out. I know for a fact that there are 1000s of people in California who have Lyme. I also know that I am not the only person who was bitten in Sacramento county. Where are all my other Sacramento Lyme support group friends?

Out of curiosity, I also looked up how many plots were in Oregon. There’s only one person so far! Like I said, more people need to do this.

The point of the map is to show just how skewed the CDC’s numbers are. If even 50% of the people in the world with Lyme actually filled this out, we would really surprise some folks! This visualization shows just how wide-spread Lyme really is.

For all my fellow Lymies out there, please fill this out.

Here’s the link!

Interactive Tick-Borne Illness Map | DiscoverMagazine.com.

In other news, I’m really looking forward getting back on antibiotics. Some of my symptoms that had gone away when I was on abx are starting to come back. I’m having really annoying tinnitus, headaches, and insomnia.

The tricky part is that I can’t go back on antibiotics until I take care of my awful awful awful problems with Candida. I’ve tried 4 different anti-fungals and none of them have worked. This week, my LLMD gave me a prescription for some boric acid suppositories. I think it’s too early to tell whether or not they’re working yet, but I have high hopes. The quicker I take care of Candida, the quicker I can get back on antibiotics. And the sooner I get back on those bad boys, the sooner these stupid symptoms will get better.

Also, I just found out I need to get my wisdom teeth pulled. Yaaaaaaaaaay. It’s happening this Friday and I’m worried about it. I’ve heard horror stories of Lymies who get oral procedures done and have their Lyme totally flare up in the process. I decided to be honest with the dentist and tell him I have Lyme. I also told him I’m worried about what’s going to happen afterwards. He said that since my bottom right wisdom tooth is the only one that is a serious risk, he would pull that one first and do the others at a later time. So at least I don’t have to get all four out at once! I’m just trying to be as cautious as possible with this.

Wish me luck, friends!

Best,

Sofia

Quick Update: 2AM and not feeling great

This past week has been a rollercoaster of good days and bad days. The first part of the week, I got a raging headache everyday- always in the afternoon. My temples felt like they were going to burst. Sensitivity to light and sound did not help either. The only thing that makes these headaches go away is sleep. Every time I decided to sleep it off, I wouldn’t wake up for hours, sometimes even the next day. That happened 3 times this week.

Weirdly, Thursday and Friday I didn’t get headaches at all! Amazing! Yet, as soon as I thought they were over and done with, they reappeared Saturday and again on Sunday. What’s the deal?!

Also, my hair has been falling out. I’m finding my hair EVERYWHERE- all over my house. My guess is that it’s from stopping antibiotics, which I’ve been off of for almost a month. Last summer when I took a break from antibiotics, this same thing happened. I’m determined not to let it get the best of me though! I’m going to try taking Biotin tablets, which has had some successful results with other Lymies. One more pill to add to the ever-growing list!

Lastly, joint pain again. As always, it’s worst in my hands. The pain makes doing just about anything difficult. I’ve never noticed how much I rely on my hands until it hurts to use them!

This is what I do when I have joint pain in my hands. Lay down and watch Netflix.

This is what about 60% of my life looks life. Bed+ blanket+ Netflix. Currently enjoying Star Trek. 

This is what I do pretty much every time I feel bad. Pop on Netflix and try and relax a bit. Netflix is great. Once you pick out a show to watch, you can sit there for like 3 hours and never have to use your hands! After one episode ends, it automatically cues the next one for you! Perfect for joint pain! And insomnia, too.

I’m pretty sure this is all happening because I’m herxing off of my new herbal, MC-BAR-1. The drops are tasteless and tiny; I guess I underestimate how much they’ll affect me.

Like every herx, this will soon pass. In the mean time, more blankets and tv! Yay!

Best,

Sofia