You know what sucks? Brain fog. Brain fog sucks. It’s part of the reason why it’s been so long since I’ve posted something. I keep forgetting. My memory is completely unreliable and I can no longer trust my own brain.
Title: Sofia with Brainfog. Medium: Acrylic paint, oil pastel, and candle wax on stretched canvas. 2014.
I was thinking to myself earlier today, “I wish that I could show people what the heck this is like. It’s such an odd feeling and it’s difficult to explain. How do I depict brainfog?”
I drew a self-portrait with oil pastels, then poured candle wax onto my face. Candle wax is actually a pretty accurate representation of what brainfog is like. It’s this sticky, annoying semi-opaque thing that gets in my way all the time. The art project was actually pretty difficult to do because I currently can’t find any of my wooden pencils or my eraser. It’s hard to do art when you’re incapable of erasing anything. Also, please excuse my shitty art skills, I created it while having brainfog. And I have brain fog as I’m typing this now.
I’m still me, I just have bits of wax stuck in my brain that make it hard for me to do things.
One of the worst parts about this is that I don’t even realize its happening. Only about 12 hours ago did I realize that my brain fog returned about a month ago. It’s all starting to make sense now.
The last four weeks have been a clusterfuck of forgetfulness. I’ve lost like 8 things and keep forgetting to do really important stuff.
About six weeks ago, I bought really expensive tickets to see my favorite band of all time, Modest Mouse. I literally bought the last two tickets to a completely sold out show. I LOST THE TICKETS. I tore through my entire apartment, dug through my trash, had a panic attack, called my parents and made them tear through their house, all for naught. I literally cannot find them. I called the ticket company and asked if I could get them reprinted, to which they said no to. Apparently the tickets are impossible to reproduce. Guess what happened? I MISSED THE SHOW. I never found my tickets and I missed seeing the best band of all time. The show was a week ago and I still cannot find those damn tickets. Thanks, brain fog.
Last week, I realized at 3:30pm that I had an 7 page paper due at 5:00pm that I had not even begun to look at. I had completely forgot about this assignment and didn’t even remember until 3:30pm. Luckily, I was able to beg my professor for an extension and he gave me another week to work on it. But still, I’m forgetting about papers. This isn’t good.
I also lost the key to an important door at school/work. To check out the key, I had to give the worker my ID card. So until I find this key, I don’t have access to my ID card. And I can’t get into the door.
I keep forgetting to respond to important text messages and emails as well. I’ll read them, say to myself, “That’s important. I’ll respond to it later so that I can spend time on what I’m going to say.” Then never respond. To everybody who has been trying to contact me this month and haven’t gotten a reply, I’m sorry. Blame it on the brai-ai-ai-ai-ain fog.
I even had to write a note to myself to make this blog post. There’s currently a sticky note on my laptop that reads “Blog Post Idea: Struggling with Brain Fog. I keep losing my shit. Maybe paint something to go along with that.”
In the mean time, lots of detoxing!!!!! Detooooooooooooox.